Longing for a Child: Devotions of Hope for Your Journey Through Infertility (Hardback)

Chapter One

Longing

Longing: A strong, persistent desire or craving for something unattainable or distant.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

My soul is in anguish. How long, O Lord, how long? ... I am worn out from groaning, all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.... The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer. Psalm 6:3, 6, 9

All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. Psalm 38:9

Devotion 1 Journey to the Dunes of Desire

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

When our veteran "duner" friends Mark and Stephanie invited us to join their family for a weekend at the Imperial Sand Dunes, we accepted. It was the perfect opportunity to try out our new twenty-six-foot trailer with bath and shower amenities (a must for me!)-sporting our two new quads. Clad in my new steel-toed boots, matching chest protector, gloves, and helmet, I mounted my quad and pushed the start button. VRMMMMM ...

The Imperial Dunes extend for more than forty miles in southern California, southwestern Arizona, and into Mexico. Mountain-sized mounds of sand range from two to six miles in width, with crests rising two to three hundred feet above the surrounding landscape. Hollywood cameras have depicted these dunes as the desert for numerous war scenes and science-fiction planets. A popular winter destination for sports enthusiasts, the Dunes buzz with sand rails, buggies, quads, and motorcycles. The seemingly endless sandscape is beautiful, thrilling, eerie, treacherous.

Although I had ridden motorcycles in the Midwest during my youth, my forty-something body was unfamiliar with the quad's finger throttles and paddle tires ... and the sand. Could I maneuver this terrain or would I crash? My stomach churned with excitement and anxiety. My mind swirled with uncertainty as I released the clutch and sputtered behind my friend Stephanie. I felt comfortable driving along the flat, open road of sand. I can do this! I thought. Then I saw the iceberg of sand rising up in front of me. Stephanie maneuvered her quad effortlessly up and over.

Fear gripped me. Should I turn back? I waited. Then I looked up and saw Stephanie at the top of the crest waving me on. I gulped. I opened the throttle, and moments later I was beside her. During the next few hours we traversed over the crests and through the canyons of sand. As I sped behind the pack across the open plain, I sensed something familiar about this journey. It seemed similar to my quest to have a child.

In the camp with other childless sojourners and robed with a new attire of perspectives, attitudes, feelings, and terminology, I had faced the Dunes of My Desire. At times the ride was exhilarating. At other times, exasperating. Nearing each crest, I wondered what lay waiting for me on the other side. I experienced a repeating cycle of fear and dread followed by accomplishment and hope. Fueled by my desire, I was able to keep going, no matter how endless and treacherous the terrain seemed. Though at times I wanted to turn back, I continued. Looking up I could always find someone at the top of the crest who had climbed the mountain I was facing, waving me on.

Where are you in your journey? Perhaps this is your first encounter, and you are camped at the foot of the Dunes, ready to gear up and go. Or perhaps you've been riding through the sands of uncertainty for a long time, lost with no end in sight. Maybe you are facing a three hundred-foot mountain today and don't know if you have what it takes to make it up the slope. Maybe you are plummeting down into a canyon.

Wherever you are, just know that you are not alone, though at times you may feel as if you are. God is there-and others are too. Look up! Just when you think you can't make it, you may see someone standing at the top of the mountain cheering you on. That's where I am now. Picture me waving you on and shouting, "You can do it!" Ready. Set. VRMMMMMM ...

Lord, I feel as if I'm facing an endless journey. I'm afraid. I've never done this before, and I don't like feeling uncomfortable and uncertain. Help me in my journey. Guide my ride. Give me courage. Thank you for providing others to cheer me on. Fuel me with your Word and wisdom as I face the Dunes of Desire to have a child. Amen.

* * * Steps toward Growth

1. Reflect on where you are in your journey. At the campsite? Ready to ride? Riding up? At the base of one dune with another to face? At the top of a crest? Over the final crest?

2. Reread Deuteronomy 31:8. How does this verse encourage you? 3. Read Matthew 14:26-27 as if Jesus were speaking to you personally.

4. Picture Jesus at the top of a dune waving you on. What steps will you take this week to have courage and continue in your ride?

(Continues...)